When life is just crazy

Hi all! I’m going to take a break from my usual advice-focused posts and talk a little about my personal life. As some of you know, I’ve been in recovery from BED for over a year. I followed an approach mainly based on intuitive eating self-help books, individual and group therapy (including CBT), and many of the tips I’ve discussed in this blog (getting rid of food guilt, putting weight loss on the backburner, and eating mindfully). My recovery isn’t based on willpower at all (because willpower is a limited resource), and I almost never have binge urges. Recovery isn’t always a smooth path, but it’s mostly been wonderful …

Until recently. I am now pregnant with my first child. And it has completely turned my eating and exercise habits upside down. Add to this a new, stressful job and making plans to start graduate school, and the result is a lot of craziness!Baby girl

Pregnancy and morning sickness have really changed my eating habits in ways that I don’t really love—nothing sounds appealing, so I get little pleasure from eating these days, and I need to eat almost constantly to keep the sickness at bay, so I’m rarely hungry for actual meals. And I’m eating a lot less produce, and my exercise habits and social life have dwindled to almost nothing, thanks to near-constant nausea.

It bums me out, honestly! But I just keep reminding myself that my body is going through some crazy things right now—producing a human being!!—and I need to be patient and just listen to my body as best I can. It’s a gentle reminder to me to listen to my body’s needs, not what my mind THINKS I should need.

I think this is a lesson that can be applied to all of us: our bodies know best. Learning to quiet my mind and its incessant judgments about food and exercise (and everything else!!) was KEY to starting recovery, and I have to remember that it’s also key to continuing on my recovery path. And it’s a great reminder that circumstances change, and our bodies change for various reasons. I can’t control what my body is doing during pregnancy, and that’s such a frustrating thing to me … but I also think it’s a GREAT way of learning a very important lesson in letting go of that obsessive need for control.

I apologize if this post is rambling, but I am experiencing a little editing burnout these days (editing is my day job). 😉 I wanted to give you all an update because I know I haven’t written in a while. And I wanted to share a snippet of what recovery is like—it really is about continually growing and learning about yourself—and when I am able to set aside that incessant need for control, I can admit that it’s a really beautiful thing. 🙂

How are you doing this fall (or spring, if you’re in the other hemisphere)? I’d love to hear from you. 🙂

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10 thoughts on “When life is just crazy

  1. Excellent blog! Pregnancy, parenting are huge teachers about life and letting go of control! And listening to your pregnant and post partum body is the wisest path you can take and proof of your true recovery!

  2. I can soooo relate, I’m 6 months pregnant my first child too and have had BED for many years although with some help the last 8 years have been the best ever, I have been able to live a happy (sort of normal) life in spite of it.

    It’s incredible how with pregnancy one becomes so much more flexible with food, don’t you think? For example:

    – eating too much on a meal and still do some exercise on the afternoon like going for a walk which is staying away from the all or nothing thinking
    – compensating reasonably, like normal people do: if I eat too much on this meal I will have a lighter one tonight
    – having just two cookies and feeling it’s enough for what the baby is asking for
    – or having a whole package of cookies but understanding it just happens some times when u r pregnant

    I don’t exercise as much as I would like and I weight a little bit more than I would like to but doing the best possible right now is enough 🙂
    Thank you very much for ur words

    • Absolutely, Keka, I’m definitely finding myself needing to be more flexible! The way I’m eating now is definitely not my ideal, but maybe it IS ideal for RIGHT NOW, you know? Thanks for reading, and I hope your third trimester is as comfortable as it can be!!

  3. OMG Congratulations!!! I’m super excited for you for all of these new adventures. I can relate to two of the three (starting a new job and considering graduate school).

    Triggers to binge for me lately include:
    1) coming home from work and being super hungry
    2) enjoying pizza and chips with Stacey when we watch football

    Those are pretty much it, and they are new triggers which I am just now recognizing, and will work towards ending them soon.

    Other than that, life is pretty good. My new job is wonderful. Stacey and I are about to be officially middle class, as soon as we get caught up on stuff. We will begin to plan our wedding next year, for a December 2015 date. My senior dogs are healthy and happy (but hate that I work now). And I have finally hit that post-grief “new normal” that I had read so much about.

    • Fantastic, Leah! I’m really glad you’re moving into the next phase–hopefully that’s a good thing (though I’ve never experienced that kind of grief, so I am not sure). But it sounds like there is so much to be happy about in your life. 🙂

    • The “until recently” goes with the previous sentence: “Recovery isn’t always a smooth path, but it’s mostly been wonderful …” “Until recently”

      In other words, pregnancy has brought new challenges for me in recovery!

  4. Pingback: When life is just crazy, Part II | Hungry for Recovery

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