In my own experience, going from daily binging to no binging, basically what I did was throw out everything I thought I knew about food, eating, weight, and health … and totally rebuild and reexamine everything. This is extremely difficult – but necessary for true recovery! It took a long time for me to realize I couldn’t think my way out of this problem, because my THINKING was impaired by BED, depression, and anxiety. I finally realized that if I wanted to stop doing the same things, I needed to stop thinking the same way. I had to fundamentally change ALL of my thinking about food and my body.
The hardest part about this was the humility – realizing that I had been wrong – so, so, so wrong – realizing that everything I was doing was only making it worse and worse and that I didn’t have a clue. I’d always prided myself on being smart – that was the ONLY thing I ever liked about myself … So when I realized that my brain was actually part of the problem, it was shocking and heartbreaking, and it made me feel like I had nothing left. I was sad. There really wasn’t anything good about me. Nothing to love. 😦 Or, that’s what I thought.
Looking back on this now, I think that was my rock-bottom moment. It happened over a year ago. I didn’t immediately get better … I binged for many more months after that, knowing only one thing – that I didn’t know anymore! I eventually found intuitive eating, and it saved me. It made me realize that, YES, I actually CAN trust myself – there IS wisdom in my body – but it’s not all in my brain. I’m not just a brain (or a walking head, as Geneen Roth calls it).
I am sharing this story – my story about eating “humble pie” – to show that I KNOW what it’s like to feel stuck and to feel like there is no hope. I have been there. But there is hope. The thing is, you have to be willing to reexamine and relearn everything … and maybe even take a bite of humble pie … or eat the whole thing, as I did :).
I challenge you to identify a few beliefs about food and weight that are not serving you well. How would your life change for the better, if these negative ideas weren’t weighing you down?